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  #21  
Old 05-30-2007, 10:37 PM
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Sometimes you just have to ask yourself "Will I live to be 80?"

I recently chose a new primary care physician.

After two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing "fairly
well" for my age.

A little concerned about that comment, I couldn't
resist asking him,

"Do you think I'll live to be 80?"

He asked, "Do you smoke tobacco or drink alcoholic beverages?"

"No," I replied. "I don't do drugs, either."

Then he asked, "Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?"

I said, "No, my other doctor said that all red meat is unhealthy!"

"Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing golf, boating, fishing or relaxing on the beach?"

"No, I don't," I said.

He asked, "Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have a lot of sex?"

"No," I said. "I don't do any of those things."

Then he looked at me and asked, "Then why do you give a shit?"
Good one mate! I think If I didn't do any of those things, I wouldn't wanna live to be 80!
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  #22  
Old 06-28-2007, 12:40 AM
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Default Nip and Tuck (Sorry Ladies)

After her sixth child, Jane decided that she should have some cosmetic surgery "down below" to restore herself to her former youthful glory because her bomb-bay doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped-out fireplace.

Time and childbirth had taken its toll and she reckoned that, with six children now being the limit, she'd tidy things up with a nip here and a tuck there so it looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.

Following the operation she awoke from her anesthetic to find three roses at the end of the bed. "Who are these from?" she asked the nurse.

"They're very nice but I'm a bit confused as to why I've received them." Well", said the nurse, "The first is from the surgeon - the operation went so well and you were such a model patient that. He wanted to say thanks".

"Ahhh, that's really nice", said Jane.

"The second is from your husband - he's delighted the operation was such a success that he can't wait to get you home.

Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!"

"Brilliant!" said Jane. "And the third?"





"That's from Eric, a patient in the burns unit", said the nurse. "He just wanted to say thanks for his new ears."
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  #23  
Old 06-28-2007, 12:46 AM
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lol good one mate!
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  #24  
Old 06-28-2007, 08:26 PM
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i wanna post in this thread too



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  #25  
Old 06-28-2007, 08:30 PM
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bomb-bay doors were dangling a bit too low and looked like a ripped-out fireplace.

looked more like a piggy bank slot rather than a badly packed kebab.

Apparently it'll be the first time he's touched the sides for years and he's very excited!"
FAR too much information!! LOL I'm feeling paranoid now...where's me mirror?? lol
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  #26  
Old 06-28-2007, 09:04 PM
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i wanna post in this thread too



lol, nice one Saxonator!
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  #27  
Old 06-29-2007, 07:06 PM
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i wanna post in this thread too



Fantastic
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